Remember that scene in Jerry Maguire whereby the character played by Tom Cruise creates his visionary manifesto highlighting with absolute conviction the corporate corruption within his organisation. Beneath the spurious smiles and applause Jerry’s career was over. I’m feeling slightly apprehensive knowing by the end of this blog I may have one remaining Twitter follower, a goldfish, a dead pot plant and this blog. I have been inspired by @notesforreview https://notesforreview.wordpress.com/…/fitting-in-and-belonging
Bec so eloquently composed a blog on authenticity, identity and belonging. Stepping out of the shadows and exposing our vulnerabilities takes great courage. In Hong Kong, I have some time to write the long overdue blog I committed to. It is here in Hong Kong that I have found space to reflect.
The aromatic smell of incense lingering and wafting throughout the temple, I entered with slight trepidation. I observed many people kneeling, bowing and praying before the gods.
A kind young woman explained the practice of praying to the goddess. “Pray to her. Tell, her your name, where you live and ask for her blessing”.
Unbeknownst to me, I later learned that the goddess White Tara, is thought to be the mother of all Buddhas and she represents the motherly aspects of compassion.
“One story of origin suggests she was born from the Buddha Chenrezigis compassionate tears”.
The personal significance of White Tara caught me by surprise. My own mother died at 39 years old from a sudden brain aneurysm. It has been 36 years that I have lived without my compassionate mother. Thirty six years of carrying grief and trauma. The depth of sadness and sorrow is embodied deep within.
As I learn and understand the different types of trauma and the interplaying factors around the impact and consequences, I refer to Dr.Karen Treisman who states:
“Trauma does not occur in vacuum: it is influenced by multiple systemic, relational, & contextual elements”.
My own burden of carrying 36 years of trauma has had a significant negative impact on my life. I often feel the weight of my loss. I live with a major mood disorder. At times throughout my earlier life I used & abused substances in an attempt to deal with my pain & suffering. Around three years ago I contemplated & planned for suicide.
My mothers life was cut short and in that moment of solitude and prayer, I felt the motherly compassion that I am so desperately missing each and every day. The process of healing may begin. I want to express my gratitude to White Tara.
“Her pure compassion for our suffering is thought to be greater than a mothers love for her child”.